Southern Social Events = Food

Saturday January 28, 2012

Growing up in the south we are taught from birth that to be social is to eat.  You can't have one unless you have the other.  If we start talking about getting together with friends we start talking about what food we are going to make and/or take, who is bringing what, and oh I hope so and so brings their famous mac n cheese or famous pecan pie.  Family get togethers always take place in the kitchen.  If the family does not start out in the kitchen I can just about promise you that everyone will gravitate there at some point.  Try growing up in a food based culture as a person with a weight problem.  It has never been a recipe for success.

However, I recently realized that it doesn't always have to be that way.  I went to lunch with a group of friends at a restaurant that sells hot wings (one of my favorite things, but let's be honest what isn't).  As we sat there and everyone glanced at the menu and quickly made their decisions on what they would eat, I struggled.  I knew I wanted to eat a healthy lunch and stay within my goal of not loosing control and going outside my points, but man those wings sound good.  They had all returned to talking and enjoying their time and I was still pouring over the menu trying to decide if I could just eat a salad and fruit for dinner to be able to eat this lunch that I knew was bad for me.  I wasn't enjoying my time with them.  I finally closed my menu and decided to stop the madness.  I decided to just have the salad and I could have the wings when I had been "good" long enough to have them. 

I sat there and talked with everyone, but I was still thinking about my order and would I regret not ordering the wings when the friend sitting next to me got hers.  I was not realizing that I was still focused on the food and could not enjoy my friends.  I was letting the food consume my time and energy.  Their food arrived and I got a chance to see what everyone else was eating.  Of course it would be my luck that my salad would take 5 minutes longer than their fried wings and french fries.  But when it arrived and I cut everything up and began to eat the thoughts of what I was missing vanished.  I had one of the most enjoyable lunches from that moment on that I have had in longer than I can remember.  We laughed and joked and enjoyed our time together and not once did I think about the fact that I did not have a wing or french fries.  I did not miss them at all.  My friend even offered hers to me, but I had no desire to have anything but my salad.

I had an epiphany that day sitting at that table with my co-workers.  I can be at a social gathering without food being the center of my attention.  That food I ate was just as satisfying as the fried food I would have eaten a month ago.  I did not feel deprived for what I did not eat and don't feel like I need to be "good" to have them when I truly want them.  I am not saying I won't ever eat a hot wing or french fry again.  I am sure that I will, but I don't have to just because I am at the restaurant where I normally do.  I also realized that just I also don't have to have them today because "I don't know when I am going to be able to have them again".  There are restaurants on every corner and those lies I tell myself have been silenced by realizing this. 

I am slowly beginning to relearn some of the lessons that have been ingrained in me since birth.  I don't know what my next lesson will be, but I am sure there will be many to follow.  But for now, the freedom from just this one lesson was enough to bring tears to my eyes when telling a friend what I was feeling and what I learned.