I did not realize when I left my house on Saturday morning that this would not only be a vacation and time to recharge my body, but it would also be a time for God to teach me a thing or two. Should have known with the way that my journey has been moving as of late.
After the wonderful lessons that God taught me earlier this week with the shells that were left in my path, I found myself feeling a little sorry for myself yesterday. I won't go into what got me into that frame of mind, but that is the best I can sum it up. I guess it is my impatience that lead me to this feeling and the fact that what others were receiving from God or the fact that I have not received what I have been praying for. We, as humans, are always good at giving out advice but not always the best at taking our own advice when the time comes. I can't tell you how many times I have told various friends in their times of need that what they are wanting (various needs) would happen but it would happen in God's time and not necessarily in their time. But when it comes to something that I am praying for and truly needing to the core of who I am, I don't want to wait. I don't want to realize that there might be a reason that I have not received what I am asking for yet just like I tell my friends when they begin to feel sorry for themselves or complain because they have been waiting for so long.
So tonight I decided to cheer myself up I would walk down to the beach by myself and look for "ghost" crabs. I don't know if any of you know what I am talking about, but at night if you take a flashlight and walk along the beach you will see little white crabs scurrying along the sand that you can tell only come out at night because they have no color whatsoever. I love walking by myself and just watching them scurry to and fro as they try to get out of the light from my flash light. Tonight they did not disappoint, they were everywhere. But they were not the only thing on that beach waiting for me. God was there waiting as well. He is not through with me this week it seems.
The raging waters would have swept us away. (Psalm 124:5 NIV)
Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 124:5, 8 NIV)
Yesterday and especially today the surf has been so strong you can't even get in the water. I tried to get in yesterday and got out pretty quickly because of the undertow. I am an excellent swimmer and I float like my own flotation device, but the current was too strong for me. Today the waves were crashing even stronger and I would not get in above my ankles. The waves were crashing so hard you could feel the percussion in your chest when it would crash. I was on the beach completely by myself which can be a little unnerving on its own when it is dark and you can't see out into the water or even a few feet in front of you down the beach. I found myself saying a little prayer to God that He is my protector and I trust Him to keep me safe while I take this walk along the beach. I was not thinking about anything, just walking and listening to the crashing waves until the water washed over my foot.
When that water washed over my foot it scared me. I know that is irrational since I was not standing in the surf and was well out of the reach of the dangerous undertow, but for that split second it scared me. And with that thought God came crashing into my thoughts. That water, those waves, and the pull of that water would teach me yet another lesson like it did just days before. As I stood on the top of a small rise that has been cut into the beach now because of Hurricane Isaac I was safe. I was standing on the firm land that is like standing on the firm word of God and standing firm in what He wants of me for my life. But just off that ledge is that boiling and turning water with that dangerous undertow. That water that would like nothing better than to pull me out to sea to a point that I could no longer touch bottom and have my feet on the foundation that God has provided for me. It was as if God was standing there telling me that water is like the world you live in. That turning boiling dangerous water is the world around you. Right now you can and should stand here on this safe ground that I have provided just like the safe ground I have provided you in my word. But unlike that water you have to walk back into the world when you leave here. Remember this water. Remember this moment and how dangerous this situation and the world you live in is to your walk with Me. Remember what that water would do to you if you did not have the safety of this land to stand on. That is what the world will do to you if you do not have My word in you, if you do not safeguard it in your heart and live by it every day in everything you do. Just like this water, the world will pull you in, tumble you in it's ugliness and strip from you the love and compassion that I have put into your heart. Safeguard Me and My word with your life. Keep the firm foundation always under your feet. There may be others who just jump in and roll with whatever comes at them, but you know what you should do. You know where your safety is, and your safety lies with Me and My word.
Meanwhile, God's firm foundation is as firm as ever, these sentences engraved on the stones: god knows who belongs to him. spurn evil, all you who name god as god. (2 Timothy 2:19 MSG)
Standing on that ledge with that angry water boiling and crashing beneath me I can't explain to you how at peace I felt. I will admit I still am craving the things I have been praying for and I will continue to search for them. But like a wise friend of mine said to me recently, He is using this time with me to teach me in a way that maybe He could not teach me if I had a lot of distraction around me. I work long hours and don't have much time on my own and if I get what I am asking for then that time would be even shorter. I need to understand that God knows better and as I always tell my friends, He will give you what you need and desire but it will be in His time.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Lessons from the Ocean
This week I am on vacation in one of the places I love the most, the beach. My time here gives me the ability to sit, stare at the ocean, think and of course walk up and down the shoreline looking for seashells. No matter how many I pick up I am always in search of that perfect shell. I know that the perfect one will be washed up on the shore the next time I walk down the same way I have walked every day numerous times already. That is ok though, because I am getting much needed exercise and because of this I learned a much needed lesson yesterday which to my surprise was further shown to me today.
Yesterday during one of my many treks down the beach looking for that perfect shell I finally found it. It wasn't large, but it was flawless and beautiful. I waded out into the water and retrieved it and turned it over and over in my hands marveling and the details in the ridges and how all the edges were still perfect after the beating it had gone through in the ocean. While standing there a thought hit me. I am standing in ankle deep water watching as the waves wash a variety of shells one, two or three at a time in to shore. There are a lot of them that have imperfections or that are just ordinary, but once in a while we get a perfect one. That this is like learning God's word. We read and stay in His word receiving understanding and knowledge as we read, but when the time is right He gives us a big revelation of knowledge or a big direction to our path or purpose. It is a stream of knowledge washing over us like the waves with a nice shell here and there, but when the time is right He delivers that perfect shell in the surf of His word. He keeps us sharp and grounded with His word, but knows that when the time is right we will be ready to receive and understand the bigger stuff.
Later in the same day I stumble upon another shell that, while in the sand, appears to be a rare find, a snail type shell that just doesn't usually wash up and lay there too long before someone gets it. I pull it from the sand only to find out that it is really no more than the edges of the outer shell with the center of it still intact. Yep, here too was a lesson learned as I almost dropped it back into the water. I wanted it when I thought it was a perfect beautiful shell, but when I realized that it was not perfect I started to discard it. I could tell it was old and weathered and this got me to thinking. This shell is kind of like us humans. We age and are not so perfect as we get older, but hopefully the core of who we are, who God intends us to be and has directed us through His word to be will still be intact like the center of this shell. I hope to be like this when I am old as well. I don't want to be just a pretty picture and be what people think I am or what they think I should be or look like. But I want to be what I am intended to be, what God has planned and intends for me to be. I won't mind if I am weathered, but I still want my core/spirit to have been protected to the point that it is still in tact. Just like that shell, the center was protected the longest and it survived when all around it became aged, damaged and broken.
The shells were carelessly thrown in my bag and by the time I got back to the room the beautiful delicate perfect shell was broken. The beautiful edge that I was admiring while standing in the surf for it's having survived being tumbled around in the ocean could not withstand 2 hours with me. And again, God continued to teach me. Just like His word that we read and attempt to safeguard in our hearts we tend to toss it in various bags in our lives and it too gets forgotten or broken. We do not take the time and care with His word that we should. God's word should be the guide of our lives and therefore should be remembered and protected just like I should have protected this shell. The shell is forever broken, but luckily when we meander away from the path God has chosen for us, or live outside God's word that break is not forever. We can always return to God. His word is always there and it never changes. Any damage we do can always be repaired unlike my beautiful shell (although it is still beautiful even if it is imperfect like me).
Today on my walk in the surf looking for shells I got out a little further and felt a little stronger undertow than I did yesterday. I realized then that God was not quite through with my lesson and was the reason I never got to blog this last night. Again the sand, shells and ocean made me think of us and His word. That water pulling on me made me think of where I am right now and how I am feeling. When you are seeking God and you are really wanting to know what He has for your life you want to read everything you can. The word pulls at you, your church pulls at you, your friends who are walking on this path with you pull at you, God pulls at you. It is all like that undertow. Standing in that water thinking about the shells and how they make me think of being in God's word, the worn out shell and it's lesson and the undertow and how ultimately I think I was supposed to learn that through it all if you are in God's word and you are truly seeking Him you will, at the center of your soul, feel that pull. Just like the water wanted to pull me out into the ocean God wants to pull me ever deeper into His word.
Thank you God for allowing me the quiet time on the beach alone with you to learn this lesson that I truly needed to learn right now. This journey has been difficult and it is taking a path I did not imagine, but in the end I will be in a place beyond any I could imagine. I am still trusting my journey and with the help of some good friends and trusting where God is leading I will make it.
Yesterday during one of my many treks down the beach looking for that perfect shell I finally found it. It wasn't large, but it was flawless and beautiful. I waded out into the water and retrieved it and turned it over and over in my hands marveling and the details in the ridges and how all the edges were still perfect after the beating it had gone through in the ocean. While standing there a thought hit me. I am standing in ankle deep water watching as the waves wash a variety of shells one, two or three at a time in to shore. There are a lot of them that have imperfections or that are just ordinary, but once in a while we get a perfect one. That this is like learning God's word. We read and stay in His word receiving understanding and knowledge as we read, but when the time is right He gives us a big revelation of knowledge or a big direction to our path or purpose. It is a stream of knowledge washing over us like the waves with a nice shell here and there, but when the time is right He delivers that perfect shell in the surf of His word. He keeps us sharp and grounded with His word, but knows that when the time is right we will be ready to receive and understand the bigger stuff.
Later in the same day I stumble upon another shell that, while in the sand, appears to be a rare find, a snail type shell that just doesn't usually wash up and lay there too long before someone gets it. I pull it from the sand only to find out that it is really no more than the edges of the outer shell with the center of it still intact. Yep, here too was a lesson learned as I almost dropped it back into the water. I wanted it when I thought it was a perfect beautiful shell, but when I realized that it was not perfect I started to discard it. I could tell it was old and weathered and this got me to thinking. This shell is kind of like us humans. We age and are not so perfect as we get older, but hopefully the core of who we are, who God intends us to be and has directed us through His word to be will still be intact like the center of this shell. I hope to be like this when I am old as well. I don't want to be just a pretty picture and be what people think I am or what they think I should be or look like. But I want to be what I am intended to be, what God has planned and intends for me to be. I won't mind if I am weathered, but I still want my core/spirit to have been protected to the point that it is still in tact. Just like that shell, the center was protected the longest and it survived when all around it became aged, damaged and broken.
The shells were carelessly thrown in my bag and by the time I got back to the room the beautiful delicate perfect shell was broken. The beautiful edge that I was admiring while standing in the surf for it's having survived being tumbled around in the ocean could not withstand 2 hours with me. And again, God continued to teach me. Just like His word that we read and attempt to safeguard in our hearts we tend to toss it in various bags in our lives and it too gets forgotten or broken. We do not take the time and care with His word that we should. God's word should be the guide of our lives and therefore should be remembered and protected just like I should have protected this shell. The shell is forever broken, but luckily when we meander away from the path God has chosen for us, or live outside God's word that break is not forever. We can always return to God. His word is always there and it never changes. Any damage we do can always be repaired unlike my beautiful shell (although it is still beautiful even if it is imperfect like me).
Today on my walk in the surf looking for shells I got out a little further and felt a little stronger undertow than I did yesterday. I realized then that God was not quite through with my lesson and was the reason I never got to blog this last night. Again the sand, shells and ocean made me think of us and His word. That water pulling on me made me think of where I am right now and how I am feeling. When you are seeking God and you are really wanting to know what He has for your life you want to read everything you can. The word pulls at you, your church pulls at you, your friends who are walking on this path with you pull at you, God pulls at you. It is all like that undertow. Standing in that water thinking about the shells and how they make me think of being in God's word, the worn out shell and it's lesson and the undertow and how ultimately I think I was supposed to learn that through it all if you are in God's word and you are truly seeking Him you will, at the center of your soul, feel that pull. Just like the water wanted to pull me out into the ocean God wants to pull me ever deeper into His word.
Thank you God for allowing me the quiet time on the beach alone with you to learn this lesson that I truly needed to learn right now. This journey has been difficult and it is taking a path I did not imagine, but in the end I will be in a place beyond any I could imagine. I am still trusting my journey and with the help of some good friends and trusting where God is leading I will make it.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Dreams
For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, (Job 33:14-16 KJV)
God gives us dreams. Or should I say that the bible tells us that He gives us dreams and therefore I know that He does. I see these dreams being manifest in people all around me. I see them being lived out in the lives of my friends. I see dreams being revealed at young ages and later in life, and it feels like everyone who is actively seeking a dream from God is receiving what they seek but me. I pray that God reveal His purpose in my life, and have spent a good deal of time in discussion and tears with a friend over this very subject. And now that I type this I realize just how impatient that makes me sound. Time to God is not the same time that we live in. Years to us is mere moments to Him. What might feel like a lifetime to me, He feels is nothing. And though I might feel I am sitting here begging to have a purpose revealed to me and not understanding why He is shaking His head and trying to reassure me like a child through His word because for whatever reason I am probably not ready. (I will explain all of this through my thoughts as they played out in the rest of this blog)
I read recently that all we need to realize our dreams is to have His light. I feel that I have His light but still can't see my dream. There are numerous accounts in the bible were men were given dreams that were larger than what they could possibly accomplish without divine intervention: Abraham, Noah, David and Joseph. It was even reported that Michelangelo once said. "Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish." I want more than anything to know my purpose, to know what God wants me to do...to find my dream. Is it that my imagination is not large enough? Is it that I don't know enough about God's word and kingdom yet? (probably, on His timeline I am a mere child and there is no telling what wonders He may have in line for me if I can just be patient) Am I keeping my dream from being revealed to me in some way?
The saying is true: Bad dreams come from too much worrying, and too many words come from foolish people. (Ecclesiastes 5:3 NCV)
Am I spending too much time thinking about it? I know that God spends many years sometimes grooming people in the jobs that they are in before he reveals to them their purpose or their dreams. Not everyone has their dream revealed to them when they are young. Should I just continue on my path learning more about Him, spending more time with His word and making sure that I am following the path that I feel He is leading me down and eventually my dream/purpose will be revealed? (Ding, ding, ding... Yes, you can see that I am finally getting the bigger picture as I work through my train of thought) Can I get through my whole life and never uncover my dream? I am afraid my dream is already in me and I am just to preoccupied or not aware enough to see it. I don't want to overlook the dream or desire that God has placed on my heart.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, "In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay." (Hebrews 10:35-37 NIV)
And again I come back to the realization that I cannot put a time frame or stipulations on God. When God is ready to show me my dream and/or purpose it will be in His timing. Noah did not get his dream of building the ark until he was 500 and I don't remember him sitting and whining because God hadn't sent him a message of what his purpose on earth was. I don't need to be impatient. I need to be happy that God will be there to tell my dream when the time comes. I need to spend what time I have now helping those around me with the talents I have to move forward in their dreams and pursuits. When I know that they are following what is a truly God appointed dream and/or purpose than I should be happy to help them pursue that purpose and help them accomplish their dreams. Maybe that is my current purpose is to help and encourage them in their dreams and through that God will show me mine. Maybe God is trying to show me to be less ME centered and a little more God centered, a little more steward (I think that is the right word) centered. Maybe I don't have my dream yet because someone else has to accomplish theirs to help me move into mine. I guess what I am trying to get at and make myself understand is that I need to slow down and let God be God. Just sit in His presence and enjoy the beautiful time I am having with Him right now and be still When the time comes He will give me my dream/purpose.
Thank you Lord. I know that this has been rambling as I sit here in this cold hotel room in the quiet and work through these thoughts. I have been chewing on this for a couple of weeks now and just could not get past the whole idea that I was missing something, I was not doing something right, I was not praying the right prayer, or living correctly because God was looking me over. Thank you for visiting me while I sit here and work through some of this and realize that You are working on me and allowing me to be still and know you are God during this wonderful time of growth with my sister from another father (I won't say mother because mine loved her like her own). And if me helping her walk out her dream and purpose while she helps hold me together during my insane soul searching days where the tears just won't stop then I accept that. Again, Thank You God!!!
God gives us dreams. Or should I say that the bible tells us that He gives us dreams and therefore I know that He does. I see these dreams being manifest in people all around me. I see them being lived out in the lives of my friends. I see dreams being revealed at young ages and later in life, and it feels like everyone who is actively seeking a dream from God is receiving what they seek but me. I pray that God reveal His purpose in my life, and have spent a good deal of time in discussion and tears with a friend over this very subject. And now that I type this I realize just how impatient that makes me sound. Time to God is not the same time that we live in. Years to us is mere moments to Him. What might feel like a lifetime to me, He feels is nothing. And though I might feel I am sitting here begging to have a purpose revealed to me and not understanding why He is shaking His head and trying to reassure me like a child through His word because for whatever reason I am probably not ready. (I will explain all of this through my thoughts as they played out in the rest of this blog)
I read recently that all we need to realize our dreams is to have His light. I feel that I have His light but still can't see my dream. There are numerous accounts in the bible were men were given dreams that were larger than what they could possibly accomplish without divine intervention: Abraham, Noah, David and Joseph. It was even reported that Michelangelo once said. "Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish." I want more than anything to know my purpose, to know what God wants me to do...to find my dream. Is it that my imagination is not large enough? Is it that I don't know enough about God's word and kingdom yet? (probably, on His timeline I am a mere child and there is no telling what wonders He may have in line for me if I can just be patient) Am I keeping my dream from being revealed to me in some way?
The saying is true: Bad dreams come from too much worrying, and too many words come from foolish people. (Ecclesiastes 5:3 NCV)
Am I spending too much time thinking about it? I know that God spends many years sometimes grooming people in the jobs that they are in before he reveals to them their purpose or their dreams. Not everyone has their dream revealed to them when they are young. Should I just continue on my path learning more about Him, spending more time with His word and making sure that I am following the path that I feel He is leading me down and eventually my dream/purpose will be revealed? (Ding, ding, ding... Yes, you can see that I am finally getting the bigger picture as I work through my train of thought) Can I get through my whole life and never uncover my dream? I am afraid my dream is already in me and I am just to preoccupied or not aware enough to see it. I don't want to overlook the dream or desire that God has placed on my heart.
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, "In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay." (Hebrews 10:35-37 NIV)
And again I come back to the realization that I cannot put a time frame or stipulations on God. When God is ready to show me my dream and/or purpose it will be in His timing. Noah did not get his dream of building the ark until he was 500 and I don't remember him sitting and whining because God hadn't sent him a message of what his purpose on earth was. I don't need to be impatient. I need to be happy that God will be there to tell my dream when the time comes. I need to spend what time I have now helping those around me with the talents I have to move forward in their dreams and pursuits. When I know that they are following what is a truly God appointed dream and/or purpose than I should be happy to help them pursue that purpose and help them accomplish their dreams. Maybe that is my current purpose is to help and encourage them in their dreams and through that God will show me mine. Maybe God is trying to show me to be less ME centered and a little more God centered, a little more steward (I think that is the right word) centered. Maybe I don't have my dream yet because someone else has to accomplish theirs to help me move into mine. I guess what I am trying to get at and make myself understand is that I need to slow down and let God be God. Just sit in His presence and enjoy the beautiful time I am having with Him right now and be still When the time comes He will give me my dream/purpose.
Thank you Lord. I know that this has been rambling as I sit here in this cold hotel room in the quiet and work through these thoughts. I have been chewing on this for a couple of weeks now and just could not get past the whole idea that I was missing something, I was not doing something right, I was not praying the right prayer, or living correctly because God was looking me over. Thank you for visiting me while I sit here and work through some of this and realize that You are working on me and allowing me to be still and know you are God during this wonderful time of growth with my sister from another father (I won't say mother because mine loved her like her own). And if me helping her walk out her dream and purpose while she helps hold me together during my insane soul searching days where the tears just won't stop then I accept that. Again, Thank You God!!!
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