There are times in life that we are given second chances. Many times we are given second chances when we don't even realize that it is a second chance. That is where I feel I am in my life journey, not just my weight loss journey. Let me share with you how the thought came to my mind to write about it, but more importantly how it hit me to change how I look at my life in general.
I was sitting in my back yard on Saturday evening watching my 9 year old black and tan coon hound run and frolic around the back yard playing with my other dog. For most people this would not be significant. For me this was a moment of thanks to God. You see, just a few months ago I had to take Minnie (my dog) to the vet because her hips were hurting her so badly that she could barely walk. I made my husband go with me because I was terrified the doctor was going to tell me that there was nothing that they could do and we were going to have to put her down. He confirmed that she has hip dysplasia, but with proper medication and getting some weight off of her she would be able to live much longer. He said a dog with 3 legs can survive, but a dog with 2 can't. So we put her on a strick diet and medication. I think this talk scared Dane and even he conformed to the no bad treat and table scrap policy for her health. Believe it or not a dog will eat sweet potato for treats instead of the crap you buy at stores and they will survive without the leftovers we hate to throw away. So watching her play like she was young again and seeing her ears perked up warmed my heart and brought a few tears of thanks to my eyes. Minnie had gotten her second chance even if she didn't realize is. She is living her second chance. Thankfully she doesn't have the ability to get food or anything unless we give it to her and becuase of that we will have more years to love her. At times I wish life for me was that way.
Which leads me to myself and when my light bulb went off and I realized my second chance. Most of you who know me know that my mother died a year ago in December. My mother was one of my very best friends and the very line that tethered me to the ground. I spoke to her every day. I saw her at least once a week. And when she fell ill I was the main one who took care of her. During the last 6-8 months of her life I worked 2 days a week so that I could spend the other 3 taking care of her. I don't say that for sympathy or to pat myself of the back. I say that to express what an important part of my life she was. After her death I was lost. For a year I was numb and wandered through life without caring much about anything. I didn't realize to the depth of how I felt until this past Christmas/New Years.
Because my mother died on the 16th of December and her funeral was on the 20th Christmas will probably remain difficult for me. So this last year me and Dane decided to go away for Christmas. We went to Charleston, SC and just enjoyed our time together quitely through the holiday. Our time was quite and gave me lots of time to think. I was finally still and quiet for long enough to finally realize just how I had been feeling for the whole year and that led me to wondering about my weight and my health and where they would lead me in the future.
My mother died from cancer at 72 and my father died from a heart attack at 66. I am currently completely healthy, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol or any others problems, but for how long? How many second chances will I get? I turned 41 in February and how many more years will I be given if i don't make some changes? And it really struck me this time.
That is where my journey began. I decided to join Weight Watchers and thankfully my friend at work joined with me. And as I have said before, something about this time is different for me. Something in me has clicked this time. I realize it is not a diet that I am going to lose weight and then can go back to what I was eating before. This is a life change. This is my opportunity to grab hold of my second chance. No matter what your second chance may be, don't let it pass you by.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Amidst the chaos...
You never know what a day will bring you when you roll out of bed in the morning. And we never know how the events of the day will send us into a tailspin or teach us a lesson before the day is over.
No matter what any of us are trying to do in our lives, calm is usually something that we treasure. But calm is not something that many of us have in abundance. That would be my case today. Today was not the norm for me and the chaos seemed to be coming at me from every direction.
I started my day knowing that the receptionist was going to be out until early afternoon and I would be the only person in the office. I, however, did no know that the world at large was going to conspire against me to try and literally drive me over the edge. I got up, cooked my breakfast, packed my lunch and snacks, poured my 32 ounces of decaf/splenda sweetened tea and hit the road for my hour drive to work. And yes, if you are wondering, the bathroom is my first stop on arriving to work. When I got there the phone started ringing and did not stop for hours. I had calls regarding every topic you can think of coming into a city office. I even had calls that had nothing to do with city related business as we so often get, asking for phone numbers to county offices, Channel 4 in Nashville, the library, attorney's offices and others that I can't remember at this time. Yes, when someone doesn't feel like looking a number up they often call our office for some reason. During all of the phone calls I had a lady appear at my desk asking for a meeting with my boss and a 20 minute story as to why she needed it. I finally had to set the meeting that really doesn't need to happen just so I could get them out of my office and try to continue working. The whole time I was answering phones, trying to clear email and looking for a document that has mysteriously disappeared from my desk. The mail was delivered and I accidentally opened part of it because it was on my desk and the phone rang. Unfortunatly, my reaction to mail on my desk is open it. Oops. I had 5 or 6 pieces open before I realized I was opening the mail for the entire building and not just my boss. Every time I would even take a minute to run to the restroom I would have a couple of voice mail on the phone when I returned.
It was absolute chaos in our office to say the least. It was one of the craziest days we have had in the almost year and a half since I have been there. So, when the receptionist did finally get there I decided I had to leave to go to lunch before I did something I would regret. I brought my lunch but I had to get out of that office for a few minutes to a place where no one else was and the phone wasn't ringing.
In comes the old habits. I immediately thought "Man I really want to go to the Mexican restaurant and put my face straight into a whole basket of chips." Yep, a little uncontrolled chaos and I immediately turn to food. What can soothe me better than some food? But something in me has changed without me really noticing it. Amidst the chaos of the day the little voice inside me that has taken up what I hope is permenant residence reminded me of what I am doing and how far I have come. It reminded me that the chips are just food and that I don't really want to go and destroy all of the good I have done this week to break the 3 week plateau that I have been sitting on. Wow, even a 41 year old woman like me really can learn new habits. My mother would be so proud of my choice today to choose me over the food.
So needless to say, I did leave the office for lunch. I went to Subway and got a sandwhich (not the bad for me tuna that I really wanted) and a bad of Light Lays. I then went to the river and ate it in peace while I read my book. Just an hour away from the office really helped to reset my emotionally and spiritally. I did not need a basket of chips and salsa to do that like I always thought I did in the past. What an amazing revelation.
No matter what any of us are trying to do in our lives, calm is usually something that we treasure. But calm is not something that many of us have in abundance. That would be my case today. Today was not the norm for me and the chaos seemed to be coming at me from every direction.
I started my day knowing that the receptionist was going to be out until early afternoon and I would be the only person in the office. I, however, did no know that the world at large was going to conspire against me to try and literally drive me over the edge. I got up, cooked my breakfast, packed my lunch and snacks, poured my 32 ounces of decaf/splenda sweetened tea and hit the road for my hour drive to work. And yes, if you are wondering, the bathroom is my first stop on arriving to work. When I got there the phone started ringing and did not stop for hours. I had calls regarding every topic you can think of coming into a city office. I even had calls that had nothing to do with city related business as we so often get, asking for phone numbers to county offices, Channel 4 in Nashville, the library, attorney's offices and others that I can't remember at this time. Yes, when someone doesn't feel like looking a number up they often call our office for some reason. During all of the phone calls I had a lady appear at my desk asking for a meeting with my boss and a 20 minute story as to why she needed it. I finally had to set the meeting that really doesn't need to happen just so I could get them out of my office and try to continue working. The whole time I was answering phones, trying to clear email and looking for a document that has mysteriously disappeared from my desk. The mail was delivered and I accidentally opened part of it because it was on my desk and the phone rang. Unfortunatly, my reaction to mail on my desk is open it. Oops. I had 5 or 6 pieces open before I realized I was opening the mail for the entire building and not just my boss. Every time I would even take a minute to run to the restroom I would have a couple of voice mail on the phone when I returned.
It was absolute chaos in our office to say the least. It was one of the craziest days we have had in the almost year and a half since I have been there. So, when the receptionist did finally get there I decided I had to leave to go to lunch before I did something I would regret. I brought my lunch but I had to get out of that office for a few minutes to a place where no one else was and the phone wasn't ringing.
In comes the old habits. I immediately thought "Man I really want to go to the Mexican restaurant and put my face straight into a whole basket of chips." Yep, a little uncontrolled chaos and I immediately turn to food. What can soothe me better than some food? But something in me has changed without me really noticing it. Amidst the chaos of the day the little voice inside me that has taken up what I hope is permenant residence reminded me of what I am doing and how far I have come. It reminded me that the chips are just food and that I don't really want to go and destroy all of the good I have done this week to break the 3 week plateau that I have been sitting on. Wow, even a 41 year old woman like me really can learn new habits. My mother would be so proud of my choice today to choose me over the food.
So needless to say, I did leave the office for lunch. I went to Subway and got a sandwhich (not the bad for me tuna that I really wanted) and a bad of Light Lays. I then went to the river and ate it in peace while I read my book. Just an hour away from the office really helped to reset my emotionally and spiritally. I did not need a basket of chips and salsa to do that like I always thought I did in the past. What an amazing revelation.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Failure
This word has been rattling around in my head for a couple of days so I decided to share my thoughts on it as it relates to my journey. While out to lunch with a friend recently the topic of failure came up. I can't remember exactly how we began disucssing our trying to loose weight and the feeling of failure. My friend, as best I can remember, said that by eating out as many times as she had made her efforts feel like a failure. That word can carry a much heavier burden than it should. So being the analytical person that I am I turned to Webster to help me understand and maybe explain where I am going with this.
Webster defines failure as the lack of success. So just because you don't succeed you are a failure? Is there no grey area? What were you trying to succeed at? Maybe that is where we should start instead. Were you trying to be perfect? Because if that is where you set your bar then of course you are going to fail. Were you trying to only eat out one time that week and didn't stay within your goal? However, maybe when eating out you chose very good options and in that way you turned it into a success. I could go on and on with a thousand example, but I think that I am making my point. We can look at the bad of every situation and see the failure in it or we can look at the good and see where we succeeded, it is all in how we have our mind's set. Life happens every day all around us. We have to learn how to take what is there and mold it into our personal success.
During our conversation I told my friend that there has never been a person who did not have a bad day when they were trying to change the way that they are eating or exercising. The way you measure your success is the fact that you get up the next day and try again. We are going to have our days when we totally blow it and may even binge, but if you get up that next day and get back in the saddle and return to what you know is the best and healthiest for you then you truly succeed.
As I have said before, this journey will take me the rest of my life and will for anyone who has ever had a weight problem. You can't lose the weight and miraculously never have to think about what you eat again. There will be other days down the road when we will be spending it with friends and family like I did on Saturday with my friend where we can so quickly and easily lose focus and enjoy too much of something. Or there will be days when we just don't feel like doing our part and eating healthy. That too is ok and we have to be able to give ourselves permission to do so without punishment. We have the rest of our lives to get this right. One day out of the thousands of days of our lives in my eyes does not constitute a failure. Any time that we are moving forward and taking an active role in our health is a day with success and not a lack thereof.
The word failure has been in use since 1643, at least that is the year that Webster says it was first used. If I had to guess there have probably been women using the word in regards to their weight loss continually since then. Our journey getting every single pound off is difficult enough without adding another negative word to our vocabulary to hinder our journey. Every day that you get up and try to make it a better day is a success and there is no way that is the definition of failure.
Stay strong and remember to Trust Your Journey.
Webster defines failure as the lack of success. So just because you don't succeed you are a failure? Is there no grey area? What were you trying to succeed at? Maybe that is where we should start instead. Were you trying to be perfect? Because if that is where you set your bar then of course you are going to fail. Were you trying to only eat out one time that week and didn't stay within your goal? However, maybe when eating out you chose very good options and in that way you turned it into a success. I could go on and on with a thousand example, but I think that I am making my point. We can look at the bad of every situation and see the failure in it or we can look at the good and see where we succeeded, it is all in how we have our mind's set. Life happens every day all around us. We have to learn how to take what is there and mold it into our personal success.
During our conversation I told my friend that there has never been a person who did not have a bad day when they were trying to change the way that they are eating or exercising. The way you measure your success is the fact that you get up the next day and try again. We are going to have our days when we totally blow it and may even binge, but if you get up that next day and get back in the saddle and return to what you know is the best and healthiest for you then you truly succeed.
As I have said before, this journey will take me the rest of my life and will for anyone who has ever had a weight problem. You can't lose the weight and miraculously never have to think about what you eat again. There will be other days down the road when we will be spending it with friends and family like I did on Saturday with my friend where we can so quickly and easily lose focus and enjoy too much of something. Or there will be days when we just don't feel like doing our part and eating healthy. That too is ok and we have to be able to give ourselves permission to do so without punishment. We have the rest of our lives to get this right. One day out of the thousands of days of our lives in my eyes does not constitute a failure. Any time that we are moving forward and taking an active role in our health is a day with success and not a lack thereof.
The word failure has been in use since 1643, at least that is the year that Webster says it was first used. If I had to guess there have probably been women using the word in regards to their weight loss continually since then. Our journey getting every single pound off is difficult enough without adding another negative word to our vocabulary to hinder our journey. Every day that you get up and try to make it a better day is a success and there is no way that is the definition of failure.
Stay strong and remember to Trust Your Journey.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Being attacked or is it me?
I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. The weather was cool outside, my kitty was asleep by my head purring and the birds were chirping. I roll out of bed and hobble (my heel spurs are still hurting me) to the bath room and hop on the scale. I will stop right there for a moment since I know what some of you are thinking...you shouldn't weigh yourself every day. I wasn't weighing myself every day for a while and had plateaued and thought let me see how my body fluctuates daily to see what is going on. So I started weighing each morning to see what the difference was. Back to my morning, I get on the scale and realize I have lost .2 over the last 6 days. .2! That is what my watch weighs. I know this because I actually took my watch off one week to weigh in when I had not made it to a goal and needed an additional .2 to make it. What is going on with me? Why am I not losing weight?
For any of you who have ever tried to lose weight you understand the feelings that coursed through me at that exact moment. I went from sadness to anger to fear to unbelief all in a matter of seconds. The thought actually crossed my mind that maybe my body will never allow me to be thin. I have never been thin in my life and maybe I never will be. Why am I watching every morsel that enters my body when my weight loss does not reflect my efforts? What am I doing? And more importantly, what am I doing wrong?
I get in the shower almost in tears but maintain control because I will not allow myself to go to that place. I have been there and it is not a pretty place to visit, and I definitely will not go back there to live. I have to keep a positive attitude but have not figured out how yet.
Then I turn to the one and only thing I know to do. I start to pray while I am in the shower. I pray that God will give me the strength to hold it together today. Just one day. I have no idea what tomorrow brings, just please let me hold it together today. This leads me to what some of you might think is crazy but I truly believe is possible. God allows Satan to test and attack us. God only allows him the ability to "play" with us to the point that He knows we can take. Is God allowing Satan to attack me with my weight loss to see if I will continue to turn to Him and rely on His strength? Is He allowing Satan to test me? If so, he will not win. It is not fun and I am more than a little frustrated and I am whipped today but I am holding on by my fingernails and will not let go. He can continue to test and attack and I will continue to journal and eat what I should to make my body healthy. Eventually my body has to start losing again. At least I have my trust in God that it does. I pray that I can one day be thin and healthy if I stay true to this plan and continue to eat correctly.
With that said, what if it is just me? Maybe I am doing something wrong. I journal my food and stay within my points. I walk when my foot doesn't hurt. But maybe I am not doing enough. There are others who stay within their points and continue to drop weight every week. They weigh less than me and the weight comes off. You hear of people losing a 100 pounds in a year or more on WW. At this rate, I will be lucky to lose 50 pounds this year. I don't eat everything I want or the portions I want and the weight hangs on. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not succeeding at this? I am proud of my 30 pounds, but losing almost nothing in a month when I am truly trying is wearing on me. What am I not doing? What should I be doing different?
For any of you who have ever tried to lose weight you understand the feelings that coursed through me at that exact moment. I went from sadness to anger to fear to unbelief all in a matter of seconds. The thought actually crossed my mind that maybe my body will never allow me to be thin. I have never been thin in my life and maybe I never will be. Why am I watching every morsel that enters my body when my weight loss does not reflect my efforts? What am I doing? And more importantly, what am I doing wrong?
I get in the shower almost in tears but maintain control because I will not allow myself to go to that place. I have been there and it is not a pretty place to visit, and I definitely will not go back there to live. I have to keep a positive attitude but have not figured out how yet.
Then I turn to the one and only thing I know to do. I start to pray while I am in the shower. I pray that God will give me the strength to hold it together today. Just one day. I have no idea what tomorrow brings, just please let me hold it together today. This leads me to what some of you might think is crazy but I truly believe is possible. God allows Satan to test and attack us. God only allows him the ability to "play" with us to the point that He knows we can take. Is God allowing Satan to attack me with my weight loss to see if I will continue to turn to Him and rely on His strength? Is He allowing Satan to test me? If so, he will not win. It is not fun and I am more than a little frustrated and I am whipped today but I am holding on by my fingernails and will not let go. He can continue to test and attack and I will continue to journal and eat what I should to make my body healthy. Eventually my body has to start losing again. At least I have my trust in God that it does. I pray that I can one day be thin and healthy if I stay true to this plan and continue to eat correctly.
With that said, what if it is just me? Maybe I am doing something wrong. I journal my food and stay within my points. I walk when my foot doesn't hurt. But maybe I am not doing enough. There are others who stay within their points and continue to drop weight every week. They weigh less than me and the weight comes off. You hear of people losing a 100 pounds in a year or more on WW. At this rate, I will be lucky to lose 50 pounds this year. I don't eat everything I want or the portions I want and the weight hangs on. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not succeeding at this? I am proud of my 30 pounds, but losing almost nothing in a month when I am truly trying is wearing on me. What am I not doing? What should I be doing different?
Monday, April 16, 2012
Just Move On
I was forwarded something recently that I have kept on my desk so that I can read it every day. It is as follows:
I can't tell you how much this short paragraph helped me this first few months along this journey. Food has been my friend, my companion, my go to for everything in the past. I am from the south and as I mentioned in a prior post, we use food to express our feelings here. But this statement made me stop and take a second look at where I was placing food in my life. I was placing food on a higher level in life than even myself. And that I can tell you is not healthy in more ways than one.
Take a minute and think about how you view food. Where does food fit into your life? Are you happy with your relationship with it? I know I wasn't. I let food take over my life and drive me to a existance of unhappiness and pain that I wasn't sure about how to get out of. Now that I have put food where it belongs I am much happier and I know my knees are beginning to thank me for it. I sit here now and wonder how I ever got to where I once was in my love affair with oreos and pizza. Food doesn't have feelings and can't truly comfort me like my friends can. Food doesn't heal my broken heart like the love of my family loved ones will. So why was I putting it in the places that these people should have been filling? I don't know and am not certain I will ever truly have the answer to that question. I just know that I am not going back there God willing.
I wish I could have realized this 20 years ago, but God has His timing for a reason and I can't question that. I am learning these lessons today and I will continue to grow and hopefully continue to understand who I am and how to continue on this journey to a healtier me both inside and out.
Just move on.
Stop dwelling, stop missing the days when you ate with reckless abandon, stop lamenting a second bowl of ice cream, stop begrudging the present moment, and move forward with your life. Eating, though it seems like the most important thing in the world, is not. Food, though one of the purest forms of pleasure and fun and reward, is just sustenance. Think about your relationships and goals and other parts of your life that bring you satisfaction. If you focus on the food, the food will take over your life and you will miss out on so much more. Life is more than a great meal plan. Think about what could happen if you shifted all your energy from food onto other parts of your life.
I can't tell you how much this short paragraph helped me this first few months along this journey. Food has been my friend, my companion, my go to for everything in the past. I am from the south and as I mentioned in a prior post, we use food to express our feelings here. But this statement made me stop and take a second look at where I was placing food in my life. I was placing food on a higher level in life than even myself. And that I can tell you is not healthy in more ways than one.
Take a minute and think about how you view food. Where does food fit into your life? Are you happy with your relationship with it? I know I wasn't. I let food take over my life and drive me to a existance of unhappiness and pain that I wasn't sure about how to get out of. Now that I have put food where it belongs I am much happier and I know my knees are beginning to thank me for it. I sit here now and wonder how I ever got to where I once was in my love affair with oreos and pizza. Food doesn't have feelings and can't truly comfort me like my friends can. Food doesn't heal my broken heart like the love of my family loved ones will. So why was I putting it in the places that these people should have been filling? I don't know and am not certain I will ever truly have the answer to that question. I just know that I am not going back there God willing.
I wish I could have realized this 20 years ago, but God has His timing for a reason and I can't question that. I am learning these lessons today and I will continue to grow and hopefully continue to understand who I am and how to continue on this journey to a healtier me both inside and out.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Still Trusting My Journey
Helping a friend of mine get her blog up and running today reminded me that I have not paid any attention to mine in a very long time. I set the blog up to follow my weight loss journey. The journey is still moving while the blog stalled out. I plan to make every effort to correct that.
After a little over 3 months and 30 pounds gone, I am still traveling down this road. I would like to say that it is my willpower and ability to control my surroundings that have gotten me here, but it is not. God and my friends have gotten me here. I have learned during this journey that I don't have any willpower and I am not in control of anything.
A few months back I found a bracelet in a catalog that had three letters on it TYJ, which stands for Trust Your Journey. I bought one for me and one for my best friend who has recently embarked on a life changing journey that God is leading her on as well. I have worn that bracelet every day up until the Saturday night prior to Easter Sunday. Trust Your Journey has been my mantra and still is. These journeys that we are on are journeys that God is leading us on. That bracelet has been my anchor for months. When I thought I could not make it through the day I would look at that bracelet and it would give me the little boost that I needed. Last Saturday night I was going to our Saturday night Easter service which is a huge production. I was getting off the bus to go to the arena where it takes place and my bracelet got caught on the door handle of the bus and broke. At first I was a upset. This is the bracelet that has kept me grounded. What was I going to do when I needed that something to let me know I could make it through whatever was bothering me? But during the service and listening to Pastor Allen speak of Jesus dying on the cross in a way that was not only horrific but really beyond my comprehension and in a way that no human should have to die. And he did it for me. It dawned on me, I don't need that bracelet. I pray every morning for the strength to make it through today, and every night I thank God for the strength he gave me and pray He will give it to me tomorrow. This is what I truly feel has gotten me through this 3 months and has allowed me to continue on this journey where all others have failed. Why do I need a bracelet? He is everywhere around me. He is in the trees, lake and ducks I see on my walk every day. He is in the encouragement me and my WW buddy give to one another at work and at night by text message. He is in the words I get from my friend as we spend way too much time on the phone talking about everything and nothing (yes we are still 14 at heart). I don't need that object to remind me of all of these things or that I am worth enough to take care of the body He gave me.
My life has changed in so many ways since the beginning of the year and this journey. Ways that I did not realize would happen when I first started my weight loss journey. The things that I did not realize were already changing in me are far too numerous to count. Hopefully I will have the courage to put them all down in writing to hopefully help me put words to them so that I never go back to where I was. I was at a very broken and unhappy place from which I am slowly being delivered. And if putting my journey out there for others to read as some of my friends have been doing during their weight loss and other journeys and one person is touched by something I say then spilling my pain and growth from that pain is worth it.
And may my next post not be so long in coming. May God bless me and my friends and continue to lead us to the place He has prepared for us.
After a little over 3 months and 30 pounds gone, I am still traveling down this road. I would like to say that it is my willpower and ability to control my surroundings that have gotten me here, but it is not. God and my friends have gotten me here. I have learned during this journey that I don't have any willpower and I am not in control of anything.
A few months back I found a bracelet in a catalog that had three letters on it TYJ, which stands for Trust Your Journey. I bought one for me and one for my best friend who has recently embarked on a life changing journey that God is leading her on as well. I have worn that bracelet every day up until the Saturday night prior to Easter Sunday. Trust Your Journey has been my mantra and still is. These journeys that we are on are journeys that God is leading us on. That bracelet has been my anchor for months. When I thought I could not make it through the day I would look at that bracelet and it would give me the little boost that I needed. Last Saturday night I was going to our Saturday night Easter service which is a huge production. I was getting off the bus to go to the arena where it takes place and my bracelet got caught on the door handle of the bus and broke. At first I was a upset. This is the bracelet that has kept me grounded. What was I going to do when I needed that something to let me know I could make it through whatever was bothering me? But during the service and listening to Pastor Allen speak of Jesus dying on the cross in a way that was not only horrific but really beyond my comprehension and in a way that no human should have to die. And he did it for me. It dawned on me, I don't need that bracelet. I pray every morning for the strength to make it through today, and every night I thank God for the strength he gave me and pray He will give it to me tomorrow. This is what I truly feel has gotten me through this 3 months and has allowed me to continue on this journey where all others have failed. Why do I need a bracelet? He is everywhere around me. He is in the trees, lake and ducks I see on my walk every day. He is in the encouragement me and my WW buddy give to one another at work and at night by text message. He is in the words I get from my friend as we spend way too much time on the phone talking about everything and nothing (yes we are still 14 at heart). I don't need that object to remind me of all of these things or that I am worth enough to take care of the body He gave me.
My life has changed in so many ways since the beginning of the year and this journey. Ways that I did not realize would happen when I first started my weight loss journey. The things that I did not realize were already changing in me are far too numerous to count. Hopefully I will have the courage to put them all down in writing to hopefully help me put words to them so that I never go back to where I was. I was at a very broken and unhappy place from which I am slowly being delivered. And if putting my journey out there for others to read as some of my friends have been doing during their weight loss and other journeys and one person is touched by something I say then spilling my pain and growth from that pain is worth it.
And may my next post not be so long in coming. May God bless me and my friends and continue to lead us to the place He has prepared for us.
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