I have realized this weekend that I have not learned enough at Weight Watchers yet to be allowed out on my own. If I were going to an AA meeting I would be starting over at day of my sobriety. I am not making light of where I am in my journey, just sharing an observation. I have been soaring along with my weight loss without a care in the world until I have finally fall on my face. And I didn't just stumble, I have fallen hard. Everything has been ticking for me. I have gotten almost 40 pounds off and doing a great job. Then the last few weeks happened.
I don't know why or how I have gotten to where I am. I decided last week that I was starting back over with the basics. After a week of being out of control and knowing that I was going to gain I was able to get back in control on lose 1 pound over 2 weeks time. Just as I was getting my eating and more importantly my head in the right place along came a trip out of town. I have been out of town prior to this trip and was able to hold it together, able to make smart healthy decisions. Why this trip was my downfall I have no idea. It was as if I was not trying to watch or control anything about my eating. It was as if there was no WW in my life and it was just the good ole days of over indulgence and the choice of anything and everything on the menu without concequences to my health.
How is it that for 20 weeks I can do so well and have my head in the game and then so quickly toss it out as if it never existed? Why would I allow that to happen?
I owe this healthier way of life to myself. Tomorrow is a new day. I cannot change what I have done. I cannot change the fact that I am sure I will gain this week and temporarily ruin my chances at my 40 pound star. The only thing I can change is what I put in my mouth from this moment forward. I also owe it to my WW buddy at work to get my head out of my butt and find my motivation no matter where it might be trying to hide. We have made a pact with one another to get each other through this. We have to be the strength for one another to make this work.
I shall not beat myself up. I will pick up the pieces and move forward. I know what it takes to make this way of life work. This does work and it will be what I have to do for the rest of my life. I like the fact that my clothes that have not fit in years are now fitting. I like the fact that I am having to buy new clothes because everything I own is getting too small. And I really like the fact that I know deep down that every decision I make to not eat french fries or choclate cake just because they are there is another day that I will add onto my life span.
I pray that God will give me the strength tomorrow to get me through the day. Just one day at a time. I have to remember to Trust the Journey. That is what has gotten me this far and that is what will get me the rest of the way to my healthier life.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Are you dancing?
I was reading a post a friend of mine put on her facebook yesterday and it got me to thinking. She was talking about singing out loud the last verse of a song that she was listening to while she ran on the treadmill at the gym. She closed with a statement that I really liked...
"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back."
How true that is. How many of us allow the devil to ride around on our backs? He climbs on mine from time to time and whispers in my ear telling me to eat things that I know I do not want or need. Or maybe he tells me to say or do something that I know is not nice or could possibly hurt someone else's feelings. So many times I have allowed the devil to whisper little lies in my ear while I carried his weight around on my back, and man is he heavy. Why do I allow it? This journey is showing me that I don't ever have to do that again. I did not realize that was what I was doing, in those terms, until I read her statement, but it IS what I am doing.
My journey with my eating has been as much about learning to listen to God and seek God as it has been about the weight loss. I have said it and said it, and I am going to say it again. I would not have come this far without His strength. Let me give you a little glimpse into just what I mean.
This past weekend I let my focus slip for just a little while. I usually get up every morning and ask God for His strength to get me through the day. Please give me the strength I need to stay on program and walk the path You want me to walk. Then again at night I thank Him for that strength and ask for the strength I will need tomorrow. I stop at times throughout the day to pray along the way as well. I have mentioned that I have taken the attitude of an alcoholic. God is my higher power and WW meetings are my AA meetings. Hey, it works for me when nothing else ever has. Well this weekend I did not pray. Don't know why, just got busy and distracted and the devil hopped on my back. I began eating and it really did not matter what I put in my mouth. I realized how out of control I was when I was sitting on my couch Saturday night with a box of granola turning it up and pouring it into my mouth. No bowl, no milk, no spoon, just pouring the granola straight into my mouth and eating it until it was all gone. Could not stop. This eating with wild abandon continued until I came back to work to face my Weight Watchers buddy and confessed all my sins to her and got back into control.
How did he (the devil) get there? I looked away from God for just a minute. That little window of opportunity is all he needed. That little loss of focus to distract me was enough. But I am back. I am praying and focused again and God is good. He took me right back as if I never turned away from Him. He flicked the devil off my shoulder and wrapped His arms around me and turned my head back toward my goal. I am back to my praying and texting my WW buddy to stay focused once again. I know it won't be my only or last slip. But as God reveals what is truly going on it makes it a little easier to jump back in line.
And don't think God doesn't have a good sense of humor at the same time. I went to my weigh in on Wednesday at noon as I always do. I walk up to the counter and tell Stephanie (the leader), I am going to gain this week. I did it, I own it, I deserve it, no tears, no fits and that is just the way it is. I step up and expect to hear anywere from 3 to 5 pounds. She looks at me and just laughs and writes the numbers down. I actually lost a pound through it all. Thank you God. You thought me a lesson and through it all you still helped me lose a pound. Believe me, I am dancing and I am not going to stop!!
"I removed the burden from their shoulders" Psalms 81:6
"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back."
How true that is. How many of us allow the devil to ride around on our backs? He climbs on mine from time to time and whispers in my ear telling me to eat things that I know I do not want or need. Or maybe he tells me to say or do something that I know is not nice or could possibly hurt someone else's feelings. So many times I have allowed the devil to whisper little lies in my ear while I carried his weight around on my back, and man is he heavy. Why do I allow it? This journey is showing me that I don't ever have to do that again. I did not realize that was what I was doing, in those terms, until I read her statement, but it IS what I am doing.
My journey with my eating has been as much about learning to listen to God and seek God as it has been about the weight loss. I have said it and said it, and I am going to say it again. I would not have come this far without His strength. Let me give you a little glimpse into just what I mean.
This past weekend I let my focus slip for just a little while. I usually get up every morning and ask God for His strength to get me through the day. Please give me the strength I need to stay on program and walk the path You want me to walk. Then again at night I thank Him for that strength and ask for the strength I will need tomorrow. I stop at times throughout the day to pray along the way as well. I have mentioned that I have taken the attitude of an alcoholic. God is my higher power and WW meetings are my AA meetings. Hey, it works for me when nothing else ever has. Well this weekend I did not pray. Don't know why, just got busy and distracted and the devil hopped on my back. I began eating and it really did not matter what I put in my mouth. I realized how out of control I was when I was sitting on my couch Saturday night with a box of granola turning it up and pouring it into my mouth. No bowl, no milk, no spoon, just pouring the granola straight into my mouth and eating it until it was all gone. Could not stop. This eating with wild abandon continued until I came back to work to face my Weight Watchers buddy and confessed all my sins to her and got back into control.
How did he (the devil) get there? I looked away from God for just a minute. That little window of opportunity is all he needed. That little loss of focus to distract me was enough. But I am back. I am praying and focused again and God is good. He took me right back as if I never turned away from Him. He flicked the devil off my shoulder and wrapped His arms around me and turned my head back toward my goal. I am back to my praying and texting my WW buddy to stay focused once again. I know it won't be my only or last slip. But as God reveals what is truly going on it makes it a little easier to jump back in line.
And don't think God doesn't have a good sense of humor at the same time. I went to my weigh in on Wednesday at noon as I always do. I walk up to the counter and tell Stephanie (the leader), I am going to gain this week. I did it, I own it, I deserve it, no tears, no fits and that is just the way it is. I step up and expect to hear anywere from 3 to 5 pounds. She looks at me and just laughs and writes the numbers down. I actually lost a pound through it all. Thank you God. You thought me a lesson and through it all you still helped me lose a pound. Believe me, I am dancing and I am not going to stop!!
"I removed the burden from their shoulders" Psalms 81:6
Friday, May 4, 2012
Too Much Information
How many times in our day do we feel like someone shares too much information (TMI) with us? If you work in an office like I do and answer phones it is probably every day. If you have friends, like I do, with whom you are comfortable sharing the most intimate details of their life with then it is safe to say it is very often. But how often do we get bogged down with an overload of information and temporarily lose our way? I don't mean this in a negative way exactly, so hear me out.
My office is a high stress, high volume office. I get multiple phone calls every day with people asking for help for some issue or another. I have a constant line of traffic in and out of my office to see me and/or my boss. Some come to visit; some come to complain. Some I can help; some there is no help for. It is just the nature of my job. I knew what it was when I signed up for it, and for the most part I am good at what I do and the stress doesn't bother me. But with the TMI of the job I do get a little lost from time to time and the "Me" in the situation is overlooked or simply pushed to the side because I don't have the time. I get through the whole day and am a bit frazzled and realize that I have been running and never stopped long enough to even spend a minute to think about what I need in the midst of thinking about what everyone else needs.
On my drive home recently, during a bit of some of the only quite time I get, I was think as I often do and I was stuck with what I feel was a word from God...
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalms 46:10
How often do we really do that? How often do we allow ourselves the time to be still and listen? How often do we slow down an appreciate what God has provided for us and truly enjoy the beauty He surrounds us with every day?
I realized that when I take a moment during the day to actually get out of my chair, go to the window and look through the trees to the river, and take in the beauty just sitting there to be enjoyed it refreshes me. Or if I can slow down long enough to enjoy a few minutes with my friends at work and talk about our lives and not work it makes the day a little more enjoyable and can keep me focused. It is the good parts of life that God gives us that make everything else tolerable. Our days are filled with TMI. Computers, phones, radios, co-workers, cars, customers, the list could go on and on coming at us all day long. Depending on who you are and what you do, your evenings are probably filled with tvs, cooking, children, friends, spouses, shopping, cars, and any number of outside distractions. Some of us have difficulty finding time to just be still and listen to what God is trying to tell us.
Every night for a few minutes when I get a little quiet time as I am going to bed I take the time to pray. I make it a point to pray for the strength to walk this journey out the next day and thank God that he gave me the strength I needed today. I know that in this world of TMI I cannot do this on my own and will never naturally own the strength it takes to walk this journey alone. Only with the support and love of my friends and family and the strength and guidance given by God will I make it to my final goal.
Trust Your Journey and thank you for following with me on mine.
My office is a high stress, high volume office. I get multiple phone calls every day with people asking for help for some issue or another. I have a constant line of traffic in and out of my office to see me and/or my boss. Some come to visit; some come to complain. Some I can help; some there is no help for. It is just the nature of my job. I knew what it was when I signed up for it, and for the most part I am good at what I do and the stress doesn't bother me. But with the TMI of the job I do get a little lost from time to time and the "Me" in the situation is overlooked or simply pushed to the side because I don't have the time. I get through the whole day and am a bit frazzled and realize that I have been running and never stopped long enough to even spend a minute to think about what I need in the midst of thinking about what everyone else needs.
On my drive home recently, during a bit of some of the only quite time I get, I was think as I often do and I was stuck with what I feel was a word from God...
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalms 46:10
How often do we really do that? How often do we allow ourselves the time to be still and listen? How often do we slow down an appreciate what God has provided for us and truly enjoy the beauty He surrounds us with every day?
I realized that when I take a moment during the day to actually get out of my chair, go to the window and look through the trees to the river, and take in the beauty just sitting there to be enjoyed it refreshes me. Or if I can slow down long enough to enjoy a few minutes with my friends at work and talk about our lives and not work it makes the day a little more enjoyable and can keep me focused. It is the good parts of life that God gives us that make everything else tolerable. Our days are filled with TMI. Computers, phones, radios, co-workers, cars, customers, the list could go on and on coming at us all day long. Depending on who you are and what you do, your evenings are probably filled with tvs, cooking, children, friends, spouses, shopping, cars, and any number of outside distractions. Some of us have difficulty finding time to just be still and listen to what God is trying to tell us.
Every night for a few minutes when I get a little quiet time as I am going to bed I take the time to pray. I make it a point to pray for the strength to walk this journey out the next day and thank God that he gave me the strength I needed today. I know that in this world of TMI I cannot do this on my own and will never naturally own the strength it takes to walk this journey alone. Only with the support and love of my friends and family and the strength and guidance given by God will I make it to my final goal.
Trust Your Journey and thank you for following with me on mine.
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