Not letting God down?

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Isaiah 41:10

I just read this verse in a book I am reading.  I can't explain the feeling that this gives me as I continue to move forward on my journey and as I look back on where I have been.  I think one of the things that haunts me when I make bad food choices or when I gain or don't loose weight is that I have disappointed God.  I ask for His strength every day to get me through this day and thank Him every night for protecting me and providing me the tools I needed that day.  But during some days I make my own decisions to eat however I chose and in turn disappoint Him.  It is one thing to disappoint myself or to disappoint my WW buddy or even my leader at the meeting, but it is a whole other thing to disappoint God.  I have disappointed myself many times in the past when trying to lose weight so I know what that feels like.  Usually that is followed by me giving up and gaining the weight back.  But disappointing God... that is something different all together.  Don't get me wrong.  I know that God realizes that we are human and at the very core of who we are we are sinful people and that He forgives us when we ask for forgiveness.  But I know what it felt like to disappoint my father.  I never wanted to disappoint my father when he was alive.  That was the last thing in the world I ever wanted to see, was the look of disappointment on his face.  I think I could stand anger and a beating many times over the look of disappointment.  So why and how can I continue to disappoint God?  Why do I consciously make the decisions I do to walk out from under His protection and walk my own path when He has a protected path laid out for me?  That is why I am on this journey.  That is why I continue to read, blog and pray so that I can figure that answer out and find out how this works for me.  I think I will also keep this verse close to me to remind me that He always holds me up.

Never before on any previous journey have I asked Him to help me.  Never before have I prayed daily and throughout the day that He give me strength to just get me through.  Never have I been so diligent about the fact that I alone do not have the strength to do this.  I will surely fail, but with His strength I think I can make it.  I don't know where I will be a year from now.  I don't know what I will weigh or what I will look like, but I know that God is working on me and I know that my faith and soul won't look the same, He is making sure of that. 

In the book I am reading she asks, following the verse I listed at the top, how can you let God down when you weren't hold Him up?  I will have to think on that one.  But while I am, I will continue to Trust My Journey.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13