Frustration and the things I know.

Today is June 27th, and I started this journey in January.  Where I am along this road is not where I thought I would be.  I did not and still do not think that my expectations are too high or that I expect too much from myself.  I realize and am reminded daily that I am merely human and will continue to do things that are not perfect.  However, I really am trying.  I have been going to Weight Watchers 25 weeks, far longer than I have ever stayed commited in my life, and have lost 41.2 pounds.  I know, before anyone says that is still a good amount, I know that it is, but over the last 4 weeks I have only lost .6 which is part of where the frustration begins.

I have turned my eating habits completely around in the last six months.  I have only eaten fast food one time, other than Subway which I don't count as fast food, and that was due to circumstance and not an option that I sought out to eat.  I have not had a package of cookies, bag of chips or candy in my home that I knew I could not avoid.  And to be honest I have not missed those things.  I have realized that if I want a cookie I can have one, I will just buy a single serving pack and eat what I am craving and not binge on them like I once did.  With that said, I haven't even done that or really wanted to.  I take that back.  There have been moments of stress where if I were somewhere with complete access to any food I would have eaten my weight in certain foods, but if I allow time and distance to let those cravings pass now, they do.  This time everything has been different for me and I am thankful.  I have not had cravings like I have always had every other time I have tried to lose weight.  I have not craved sugar, chocolate or french fries to the point that I have driven to the store or restaurant at midnight to purchase them. 

As I have said before in this blog, I have placed this journey in God's hands.  I have taken this one day at a time and have prayed for His strength every day to get me through.  I will continue to do so in the knowledge that He will not place on me anything more than He knows I can handle.  Even though I know that, I am so frustrated in the fact that I was especially disciplined this week and have made the efforts that I knew were necessary on my part and the weight just seems to want to stay with me for old times sake.

Let me give you a little background.  I was out of town last week and I expected a slight gain because I knew I had not stayed on program like I should.  Went in last week and gained 1.8.  I was ok with that.  I deserved it, I expected it, and I owned it.  I immediately regained control and went right back on program counting points.  This last week I was perfect.  There were even 3 days that I did not even eat all of my points, which I was told I could do by my leader at WW if I wasn't hungry at the end of the day.  Went to weigh in today and lost .8.  How can I eat a little out of control, but not completely and utterly obscenely out of control, for 3 days and gain 1.8 then turn around and be perfect for 7 and eat only healthy and within points but only lose .8?  Herein lies my frustration.

After pitching somewhat of a fit today and wallowing in my frustration, these are the things I know...I know I will get to my goal weight one day (may be years but I will get there) as long as I keep doing what I am doing and do not stop.  I know that God will continue to give me the strength to continue on this journey as long as I ask for His strength.  I know that there will be bumps in the road, because just like life, this too will not be perfect.  I know that like all things worth having I will have to work for it and it will most likely have some struggle involved.  I know the reward will far out weigh the sacrific.  I know that what I call sacrific has truly not even been sacrific on this journey and merely a change in the way I look at what I am putting in my mouth.  I know only, with God's strength, can get me where I am going.  I know I will continue to trust this journey.