Unrealized blessings

You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside." ~Oswald Chambers

Maybe I am looking at this all wrong.  Maybe God is "blessing" me at times when I think I am being tried.  Maybe He is teaching me when I think that I am not understanding or simply not hearing or that He is not hearing me.  Maybe it is that I have my perspective all screwed up. 

I have shared in previous posts some of what I am going through and some of the turmoil that I am dealing with internally.  I well up in tears at any given moment with little or no prodding.  I have a lot going on that I just can't seem to find the answer to or the reason why.  But maybe that is part of my blessing that I am failing to see.  Maybe those tears are what it is going to take for me to heal.  Maybe my soul needs those tears to flow to get the hurt out to truly heal what is broken and laid bare in my soul.  I know people who can deal with their pain, put it in its place and move on, but I have never been that type person.  For me there have always been tears.  God made me this way and I have grown to understand and even embrace that about myself.  I tell people that no one ever cries alone in my presence.  So perhaps, just perhaps, my tears are what in the end will heal me.  My sleepless nights need to become my comfort and solace in His presence and no longer be anxiety.  And just possibly these trials that I know I am going through I can begin to see His mercy shining through.

"...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalms 30:5

Perhaps all of these things I am feeling are the little nudges of God.  I might not always hear His audible voice, but maybe He is speaking to me and working to heal me through other sources.  One of those, which I have come to rely upon, is music.  Below is the song that I heard this morning which spoke volumes to my soul.  I do not think that the perfect songs come to me at the perfect times to give me the comfort and message that I need at that time.  I heard said one time that don't think that God doesn't answer your prayers.  He always answers our prayers, He just doesn't always answer them in the way we might have wanted and in the time frame we might have wanted.

"Blessings"
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise