Teach you in the way you should go.

I cannot say that I feel any better today than I did last night.  I did not sleep much and what I did get was not restful.  I am having difficulty focusing on anything and I still feel as though I am untethered and mostly all around anchored.  I don't know how to reach out and ask for help because I don't really know how to put my innermost feelings into words.  But I am struggling.  My journey is taking a side street that I did not see coming, a detour that has been unfortunately unavoidable.  I trust that it will soon return to the main and well worn paths that I have come to know and to trust so that I can at least get through this uncertain time.  So much has been thrown at me in in the last few weeks that I just don't know how to adequately process it all or know how to put the feelings away where they belong.  As Machelle said to me last night, I am not even certain that I have allowed myself the time or the permission to truly run through all the emotions that I am feeling.

But one thing I do know is that God will not leave me.  I might not be able to hear him or feel Him right now, but He is still there.  I opened my online bible at lunch today and the verse of the day spoke volumes in proof of that fact.  As I have been crying out and praying that God show me the way back to my path, or a new path if that is what He is wanting for me.  Just please let me know what I am supposed to be doing, feeling or...anything.  This is what I find when I clicked on that program...

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will council you with my loving eye on you."  Psalm 32:8.

Those who truly know me know that I am a firm believer that there are no coincidences in life.  Everything happens for a reason.  That is not the verse of the day by accident.  I have been praying and crying out for some guidance.  Maybe God is trying to tell me that my guidance is coming but I have to get through this valley of mourning and sorrow before he is able to move me beyond where I am.  I am miserable and unable to feel joy right now, but perhaps that is exactly where I am supposed to be.  I will continue to pray that God leads me out of this valley and onto a brighter day and restores my steps on this journey that I have begun.  I am not ready to throw the towel in and I know he won't throw the towel in on me. 

For those of you who may read this and are of a praying nature.  Please pray that God will help me through this time.  I am not ready to be let loose on this journey and still need him to hold my hand.  I am desperate to feel His presence and His strength as He guides me down the right path and I continue on my way through this journey.  I am still trusting my journey but have momentarily stopped waiting until I can see the path again.